What a week. I'm still in a strange space. I was a young single parent when Thatcher was in power. I had no choice but to go on benefits. It wasn't what I had hoped for when I had children. I thought I was in my happy ever after. 
I felt ashamed. I am still ashamed of that time. It was ugly and dark, frightening and lonely. And I was hungry. And cold. I wouldn't eat so my kids could eat. I couldn't even afford clothes from charity shops. In winter I lit a fire in one room of my house. My local shop was generous and let me have coal on tick on the weeks when I had no money. My shoes were full of holes. For the record, I didn't smoke, I didn't drink. 
Why do I feel so angry, so sad, so shocked by the election results ? I feel like this because I am fearful. For myself ? Maybe. But more, for people who are further down the pile than me. People who may find themselves in a similar position to the one that I found myself in. 
I hope that things will work out well. But that hope is very fragile.

May 7th felt hopeful, electrifying. May 8th felt terrible. I am dismayed that so many of my countrymen have chosen their fat wallets and lifeless security over kindness and decency. Amongst my good friends there is bewilderment, anger, fear, grief, shock. We look at our neighbours and wonder who voted conservative ? Who made that choice ?

For the record I want to say I am against my government, they do not represent me and I will do what I can to peacefully resist them. 

Lux lucet in tenebris

I keep forgetting to blog and then the things I do seem to be ages ago. Maybe I'll just let go and blog randomly and if old stuff comes to mind and the time seems to be right I'll just jot it down here anyway.  But for today a couple of photos of some playing that I did today. I've been doing a little work as an arts facilitator recently. It's very free-ing. Being a student and education is wonderful, but, it can squeeze, squeeze, squeeze the life out of a thing, so it's refreshing and inspiring to be working at a different level with different people.

It's that time of year when I catalogue what is flowering in my garden and make note of the weather and the birdsong. Perhaps it's a silly ritual but I was interested to notice that although it has felt like spring is late, it seems that year in since 2012 this is the time that the forget-me-nots flower. 
So here goes; the plums are blossoming, there are loads of violets and primroses, the forget-me-nots and bluebells are just beginning to flower, a lot of my daffodils are blind but those that aren't are in full bloom, some of the tulips are out, there are hellebores - pink and white - a single cowslip and a couple of snakes-head fritilliary (sp?), dandelions and hyacinth and the last of the snowflakes (I'm not sure if this is their right name, they are a tall snowdrop-like flower). The cow parsley and alexanders and honesty are in bud as is the cherry tree and the ramsoms and lords and ladies are in good leaf. Oh, and my crazy, blousy camelia is looking beautiful, flowering and still in bud too. It's taken me eight years to love this plant, but it looks lovely where it is planted now and seems to be thriving, what more could I ask ?         

And today there has been a touch of spring in the air, warm enough to sit outside with a mug of tea as the light was fading, the birds are full of song and flowers are flowering or in bud. It's that time of year when I have most hope for my garden. Most hope that I will manage to nudge it towards looking amazing for months on end. To be honest I have yet to manage this but I enjoy trying.
I was given a big pile of wood-chip by the tree surgeon who looks after my trees. It has filled the front garden so I've been shifting it on to the flower beds and re-covering the path that runs down the length of my back garden because I need the parking space for my shiatsu clients this week. 
I've also been repotting my outdoor pot plants, a job I've been hankering to do for a while but just not got round to it. Today and Good Friday have been the first days that I've been able to give myself a fair chunk of the day gardening. Gardening is great for my heart. It's sweet to get some grit under my fingernails and to begin to see what is growing and what is not.  

Lastly, special mention goes to the snails that were out in great number, in shells that came in many colours and lots of stripe variations.

The flowers were mostly pussy willow, but the brambles, hawthorn and wild roses were coming into leaf  in the hedgerows, and there was white blossom, maybe sloes or blackthorn ?